Opinion
Love Makes the World Go Round ...
Especially in America and other western countries, Valentine’s Day is a big hit. Americans are predicted to spend an estimated $17 billion dollars on flowers, candy, jewelry, cards and other romantic paraphernalia.
Ah! What we won’t sacrifice for love. Husbands and wives, lovers and their beloveds are giving and accepting gifts (some, very expensive) this year with an intensity that’s surprising given the looming recession. Mostly, these gifts are exchanged with the hope that they will let our loved ones know we care or symbolize our enduring love.
But what does it actually take to have an enduring relationship or a lasting healthy marriage? What do folks who are spiritually inclined need to know in this regard? Because it’s a fact that most of the people on earth who claim to be religious and spiritually inclined are married.
The Grhastha Vision Team (GVT) is a 501C3 non profit organization, headquartered in North America, that is dedicated to strengthening families and enriching marriages built on spiritual principles. They have developed a comprehensive, interactive, practical course entitled, “Strengthening the Bonds That Free Us” and maintain a website full of expert advice, tips and scriptural instructions about God conscious marriage and family life. This 3-4 day course has already been presented to Vaisnava communities in New York, Washington, D.C., Florida, Ireland and South Africa.
“First, before the marriage knot is tied,” advises Cintamani Dasi (Dr. Courtney Parks, one of the GVT founding board members, “couples should get premarital skill-building counseling. This generally involves a premarital inventory which gives an excellent assessment of couple strengths and challenges and 4-5, two hour skill-building sessions in communication, conflict resolution, goal-setting, parenting, financial management, values clarification and how to implement spiritual duties in your married life.”
Additionally, couples who are already married are recommended to:
- Attend a couple retreat periodically to “tune-up” your relationship –these retreats help couples to brush up on healthy relationship skills, revitalize their marriage commitment and have wonderful association with like-minded couples.
- Take the “Strengthening the Bonds That Free Us” course (or a similar one) to sharpen your marriage skills, associate with other Vaisnavas, and go in-depth to explore the practical, Krsna conscious benefits of grhasta (spiritually committed married life). According to Uttama Dasi from Canada (another founding GVT member), “Feedback from the scores of devotees who have taken this course has been overwhelmingly positive.”
- Discover the supportive tools (brochures, events, Vaisnava marriage and family educators, therapists and counselors) on the GVT website: www.vaisnavafamilyresources.org
The GVT has identified 12 principles and values of healthy, strong, God-conscious marriages including Alignment with Srila Prabhupada, Spiritual Equality/Material Difference, Mutual Respect and Appreciation, Commitment and Dedication, Family Love and Affection and more.
But what about an individual who would like to get married but would like some help finding a suitable spouse? (Matchmaking companies in the secular arena are increasingly popping up everywhere). In the west, some matchmaking services do exist for Vaisnavas although they are few. Contact the GVT at their website above for recommendations.
Many of the festivals in Iskcon now host workshops by experienced devotees that can shed insight into this situation. For example, at the Festival of Inspiration this year, 2008, May 9, 10 and 11th in New Vrndavan, a workshop is being presented titled “Getting Ready for a Vaisnava Marriage: What to do? and How to do it?”
Getting married is a good idea for a Vaisnava. So says one of the foremost acaryas in our Vaisnava disciplic succession. “Marriage with a view to peaceful and virtuous life and with a view to procreate servants of the Lord is a good institution for a Vaisnava.” (Srila Bhaktivinode Thakur).
Most human beings have a naturally strong desire to share love with another and spiritual marriage affords an excellent learning opportunity to do so because it keeps God at the center. And, as many of us heard from childhood, “God is Love.”
Parthas Dasa, (certified marriage/family educator) explains where some of the difficulty about healthy loving exchanges occurs, “Love through modern media has been reduced to passionate romance. An effect of the media’s presentation of so called love is that the general connotation of the word conjugal tends to be one of a sexual nature…..but the dictionary tells us Conjugal means “Relating to marriage.”
The good news is that courses and workshops about God-conscious marriage and family life (such as offered by the Grhastha Vision Team) help us to put marriage and family in proper perspective. Then the love that we express to God and each other will indeed be conducive to healthy growth and development and make our individual, family and community worlds go round.
